What does it mean when, at 22, no desire exists to go out for drinks or join the party; When the thought of going to the bar is appealing until the moment arrives and suddenly, going home seems to be the most beautiful thing that could possible exists on your agenda?
-Depression? is that not what people typically diagnose excessive introverts with?
-Been there, done that? But, at 22, how often is it that one has partied so much as to possess no desire to do so anymore.
-Desire for something more. If this was an answer, would it not be more common? Instead of every single person in one’s life (with similar age ranges) finding joy in the night life, would there not be those who also don’t want to go out, other than oneself?
Every time I go out, I love the people I’m with but I cannot help but to think about what I could be doing with my time. It’s true, we all need to relax. I only long for moments when I am relaxing as I am working towards my success. I can no longer force myself into believing that being out is contributing to my well being in any manner. Friends make it sound so enticing to go out and blow money and time and will proceed to somehow make you feel guilty for not doing so. well, maybe THEY don’t have things that they would rather be doing. At one point and a rather long span of my life, I didn’t either. Now, in this moment, I am so incredibly afraid that my future will not be every last thing that I anticipate it being, I can’t join the party. It’s not a sacrifice, either. I don’t miss it. There’s no, “I wish I were there.” I may not accomplish all that I wish to when I choose to stay home. I may not exercise, write, read, learn or paint each time I skip out on a night at the bar. Nonetheless, it’s hard to believe that I am not doing more for my well being than spending money on a buzz I’ll hardly remember.
I suppose I found my answer. I cannot allow myself to feel guilt from skipping the party, any longer. I’ll buy ya a birthday card.